June 26, 2008

June 26, 2008

 

THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT ! ... get your colonoscopy for nothing and your biopsies for free. HA HA HA ... with apologies to Dire Straits.

I have had ulcerative colitis for 16 years, and have had previous colonoscopies in 1992, 2004, and 2006. Well, today ( Thursday ) I had ( another ! ) colonoscopy. When I had my last colonoscopy in Ottawa two years ago, my gastroenterologist at the Ottawa Civic Hospital ( and what an asshole doctor he was ! ) recommended that I switch from having a colonoscopy every two years to annually. But when we moved here 13 months ago, and the Keremeos Clinic referred me to the only local gastroenterologist, in Penticton, the waiting list for a screening colonoscopy was 13 months.

My last meal before the colonoscopy was Tuesday supper. Forty hours without food ! And twelve hours without water ! Wednesday afternoon I began the "colonoscopy preparation", the worst part of the process. The colon must be emptied and cleaned for the procedure. I had to drink a gallon of PEG ( Polyethylene Glycol ) solution, one large glass every 15 minutes until finished. Oh, boy ... that's tough. PEG solution, in simplified explanation, is Gatorade with anti-freeze ! Yeah ... that'll clean out the colon for sure ! ! ! Obviously, I spent Wednesday late afternoon, evening, and night very close to the bathroom !

By Thursday morning I felt hungry and very thirsty. We drove into Penticton, and checked into Penticton Hospital. My previous colonoscopies were all very unpleasant and painful procedures. The last one, in particular, was torture. I strongly suspected, and today became certain, that was only because my Ottawa gastroenterologist was angry at me at the time. He disliked my assertiveness with his receptionist. What a lack of medical professionalism ! To take one's anger out on a patient by making his colonoscopy into torture ! In recollection of that ordeal, I told the doctor today not to underestimate my weight when administering sedative intravenously before the procedure, and don't be stingy with the sedative drugs !

Well ... what a good idea that turned out to be ! He administered enough IV sedative before the procedure that I was pretty much asleep throughout the colonoscopy. < singing "THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT !" > And ... for most of the rest of the day as well ! HA HA HA ! Well, you know, I've always thought it best to try to sleep through the process of having a sewer hose and TV camera shoved up your ass. HA HA HA < SNORT > HA HA ! Now that it's the middle of the night, I'm wide awake and typing this. HA HA HA !

Good news ! Dr. Maguire found no visible cancer and no polyps. He took four biopsies from various different locations within the colon, and one from an ulcerated area in the ileum. HMPH ... haven't had ulceration in the ileum before. I will have to make an appointment to see him in his office to review the pathology report on the biopsies.

DSK